I Am…… Not To Be Held Lightly.


Photo by Nina Uhlíková

When I was a child I had a recurring nightmare.

In the dream I was walking along a narrow stony precipice in the dark. On either side, the ground fell away steeply into an abyss. Beneath my feet were the kind of smooth stones that skip across water, when you throw them just the right way. The ground itself seemed to roll. 

As I searched for good places to put my feet I saw something, the most beautiful stone I had ever seen, a white stone, almost luminescent. I picked it up and held it gently. Holding that stone, I felt better, brighter, I could see more, I walked easier but then I tripped and, as I put my hands out to save myself, I dropped the stone.

I lay there, shaking, clutching the precipice, face cold on the stones, listening to the echo as my white stone bounced all the way to the bottom and plopped into water. With the final splash a voice, slow and mocking, echoed out of the darkness, “You…… will…… regret…….. this”.

I woke up, terrified. Every time it was the same.

Years later when I read Revelation Chapter 2, I read these words……

Revelation2:16-17 says,

Repent therefore! Otherwise, I will soon come to you and will fight against them with the sword of my mouth.

Whoever has ears, let them hear what the Spirit says to the churches. To the one who is victorious, I will give some of the hidden manna. I will also give that person a white stone with a new name written on it, known only to the one who receives it.

A White Stone. There it was, my white stone! Given ‘to the one who is victorious’ but I had lost mine!

I did a bit of research on the white stone. White stones were used in bible times for different things. They had beautiful meanings like freedom, friendship, hospitality and a secret promise of favour known only to the person whose name was written on the stone.

But what did dropping mine into the abyss all those years ago mean? Did it mean anything? I found it unsettling but I left it for at least 17 more years before I finally decided to ask God in prayer.

God never ceases to be magnificent.

That day I prayed something along the lines of, “What about that dream God? I was just a kid. What did it mean?”  and he said to me, “I am not to be held lightly.”

Immediately I saw a vision. It was my dream from a different angle. I could see myself walking along the precipice but it wasn’t just me. It was me and all my baggage. I was loaded up with a makeshift wooden frame on my back and shoulders. The crazy, crooked structure towered above me looking like it had been added to many, many times. All my stuff was precariously balanced in and around it. This was why I was so slow and why the stones kept rolling under my feet. I was so heavy.

Then I saw myself pick up the white stone.

“I don’t want to drop it again,” I said to God.

“I am not to be held lightly,” he said again.

So I started to squeeze the stone. (Somehow I could do that even though I was watching myself. I guess God sees both views so we can too, when we look through his eyes). As I squeezed a light came from the stone and I could see all around me, I could see a way to go. I started to shake off the baggage on my back and watched as it broke, splintered and tumbled down into the blackness. Piece by piece. With each piece I squeezed harder and the light got brighter.

Finally it was just me, without baggage, squeezing the stone and I could see everything. Above me, as far as the eye could see, there were suspended, interconnecting, rock paths and waterfalls. I had access to them all.

I am so grateful for the vision. Now when everyone around me needs me in the same moment I remember the white stone. I think about all the paths I have access to. I even squeeze my hand sometimes to remind myself to press in to God; to hold him tightly so he can light the way, show me which path to take with him today. Even when I trip, I no longer put my hands out to save myself, I squeeze that stone until the light comes out.

If you are encouraged please comment, like or share.

You may also like the prophetic poem I wrote for my son based on this dream which can be found in the post Luca the Light Ranger (Part 2).

Be blessed today, be encouraged to squeeze the stone.

Lots of love,


© Lauren Macdonald. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission, from this blog’s author, is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lauren Macdonald @ http://godhelpmei.com



6 Comments Add yours

  1. missy512 says:

    Oh Lauren, what a blessing it is to read this piece. It provokes in me many areas to explore. Thank you for your comment on OneStoneAway.org and sharing your gift of writing. It’s so nice to meet you and I look forward to reading more of your insight and wisdom. God bless you my friend❣️

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Lauren Macdonald says:

      So glad it encouraged you. I hoped it might. Love it when God provokes us to explore Him further!

      Liked by 1 person

      1. missy512 says:

        Yes ma’am. 💕


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