Twice in one day, last week, God spoke to me about finding our satisfaction in Him.
There was a moment when I was imploding. I could feel the pressure building inside me. It was the end of school holidays, I had not prayed or even sat quietly for days.
It was singing, by one of the children that set me off. Relentless, loud, repetitive, albeit tuneful singing, of the same 3 lines, that I just could not escape. Too tired to be a parent, too hormonal to trust myself, too anemic to function, too overwhelmed and strung out to pray, I was hanging out the washing when I realized that I had become a basket case. Something had to be done.
I ran, literally ran away from my children, into the kitchen and I lay on the floor. I said, “God!” and I started to breathe. As I did I was reminded that we cannot only breathe out God, we cannot only breathe him in. We must breathe in and out in order to live, and I had been holding my breath.
I breathed out the names, of all my family, one at a time. Then I breathed in. As I did God whispered to me, “You are trying so hard to please everyone, you don’t need to please anyone.”
“But,” I said, “I don’t just want to please other people I want to please me!”
“You only need to please me, and I am happy with you,” God said. “That is enough.” Again, just a whisper.
I realized, that once again, I had raised the bar on satisfaction. I was trying too hard, doing too much, expecting more than I could achieve, looking for satisfaction in all the wrong places. I was dissatisfied with my kids, I was dissatisfied with my husband, I was dissatisfied with my lot, I was dissatisfied with me. Yet, if I honestly look back, I now have all the things I just knew, would satisfy me years ago when I had been dissatisfied before.
Just lying there, breathing with God. I felt satisfied. He was happy with me. He was happy with me! He was happy with me. He was happy with me. And I was happy with him.
With. The two of us, together. We cannot be truly satisfied without God.
He is happy with me. He is happy with you. Being with us, makes God happy and it satisfies us. With God is how we find satisfaction in all our life.
That same night, it was my son’s turn. I love that God prepares in us what we must share with others. We can only give what we have received ourselves.
My eldest son Toby has had to re-learn how to walk this year, after breaking his two, lower left, leg bones, in a scootering accident. Before the accident he was a talented scooter rider. He was mastering all kinds of new tricks every week, and spending at least 15 hours a week on his craft.
He has recently returned to scootering. It has been hard. Not only is his ankle still not quite working, and his fitness a tenth of what it was, all of his friends have progressed a long way in the six months he’s been out.
Because it’s holidays he spent a couple of days at Scooter camp. It was a physical, mental, emotional and spiritual stretch for him to be there. He came home with stories of friends attempting back-flipping, double-whipping, heart-beat-skipping tricks but not quite making them. They tried them for 6 straight hours. All Toby managed was to ‘get back’ his double whip and his finger whip.
Later that night he was frustrated, exhausted, and sad and jealous and all the other emotions we go through when we see others doing what we long to do but can’t. We had a cuddle and a cry and I was able to share with him what God had said to me that day.
God is happy with you.
Toby’s friends still aren’t satisfied with their tricks. He wouldn’t be either if he hadn’t broken his leg. He’d be heart-beat-skipping, right along with them, and wishing he could do more.
It is in us to always be pushing ourselves further. But we don’t need to be dissatisfied, even while we push forward. We might raise the bar on ourselves but God doesn’t. He accepts us. “Come as you are,” He says, “I am happy with you.”
And just being with Him satisfies us. We just have to be with Him, and not forget to breathe. God’s love and acceptance and forgiveness is the oxygen for our satisfaction.
What a beautiful, kind God we have. I encourage you, just to be with Him today. Let what ever frustration you have over what you’re pushing yourself to do, go.
Breathe in Jesus, so you can breathe out forgiveness. Breathe in the Holy Spirit, so you too can breathe out acceptance. Breathe in God the Father so you too can breathe out love. Be blessed by God’s oxygen, be satisfied in his presence.
Let yourself be accepted, loved, forgiven and filled today, so you can overflow to others again.
Lots of love,
Writing this post has reminded me of a song I wrote called You Remain. If you’re encouraged to breathe God today, you may like the song.
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