I am in the process of writing a book about God and sex. It is currently in the hands of editing friends. Writing my sexual testimony hasn’t been an easy command to obey. I preferred the one when God told me to write songs of joy and praise and hope and thanksgiving. That was a fun one. This one has taken me two years and it has been a raw experience.
Here is another excerpt I posted on this blog called God and Pornography.
The following is an excerpt, from the section in the book, about having Godly sex after we’ve had kids. Let me know in the comments below if you’d be interested in the rest of the book after you’ve read this post. I need encouragement.
Be encouraged, be blessed.
Lots of love
There is an analogy, in the bible, of marriage that is helpful.
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 says,
Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:
If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.
But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.
Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.
But how can one keep warm alone?
Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.
A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.
It’s a great advertisement for marriage done well! You will be financially better off, helped if you fall down, warm in bed and able to defend yourself. As two, husband and wife, the odds are good. With God as the third strand in our cord the odds are even better; we do not easily break. Marriage with three of us together is strong. But what about the kids? Where do they fit into the cord analogy when they come along?
In those first six weeks of falling madly in love with my baby, I automatically thought of my first son as the 4th strand in our scenario. Little by little I began to wind him into our rope. What surprised me was the more I wound in with the baby, the more my husband unravelled.
You see while I was in love with my son, my husband wasn’t. Not in the same way. And the more I tried to join the fourth strand into our three strand cord, the more it began to fray.
It was just too easy not to have sex anymore. I had all the skin on skin touch I needed. I had more than I needed. I was satisfied, fulfilled, spent. When my husband hinted it might be time to be intimate again I felt a bit annoyed.
“Not you too!” I thought, “Can’t you see that I’m giving all I have to give over here?”
We could easily have lived separate lives from the day our son Toby was born but we both knew we needed to do this together, somehow. One night I decided to read the bible during the night feed instead of parenting books. I read the passage from Ecclesiastes about the three strand cord. When I applied it to our marriage in my mind I realised that we were separating into cords of two strands. Me and the baby. God and Craig.
I realised I had been drifting from God and that my child was not the fourth strand. He had his own cord, looped securely onto our cord of three. What I was doing was separating him from God and depriving him of the strong family unit God had planned for him. I had to trust him to God. He was God’s after all. I had to wind myself back into my marriage cord of three strands and let God secure my son.
When you are so tired, it is hard to be disciplined. I knew I had to discipline myself to spend time with God. I also had to discipline myself to spend time with my husband.
We just had to work out how to do it. There we were, finally on the other side of child birth, in the realm of breastfeeding. We wanted so much to look at sex like it was still a great big adventure, but the very idea of it was frightening. What seemed, a few weeks ago, like a fantasy trip to Hawaii suddenly became more like a real life trip to the moon; all very shiny and bright from far away, but close up it’s dusty, cold and dangerous.
But from day one being a parent is all about having faith. Consistently believing for what we cannot see. We need just as much faith for our sex life and marriage as we need for our kids. When we have faith we can believe for a good sex life even when we cannot see it.
Hebrews 11:1 says,
Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see.
Being committed to having good sex again after childbirth is being prepared to learn all over again. Like having to learn to walk all over again. You try and you fall, but falling is not failing. It’s part of the way we learn something difficult, we adjust after each fall, we tweak, we try again differently and eventually we don’t fall anymore. We run.
Be encouraged today, it’s going to be ok. God’s on both your sides. He wants the best for all of you. Keep pressing in to him. If you are going through this right now, you may also be encouraged by a poem I wrote and posted here called Over Your Head.
Lots of love,
© Lauren Macdonald. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission, from this blog’s author, is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lauren Macdonald @ http://godhelpmei.com