I was chatting to one of the teachers at the Montessori Playgroup I attend with my son on Wednesdays, asking for some advice and she said to me, “Well I wish I’d never yelled at my kids, but I did.” She went on, “I vividly remember finding out, that the most perfect Mum at school, with the most perfect kids, yelled sometimes and it was such a relief! It made us all feel so much less of a failure.”
Sometimes we fail. In fact most of our victories come after a long, line of failures. Ask any scientist or athlete or great entrepreneur just how many times they got it wrong before they got it right, they’ll tell you a few stories.
So when I re-read an old entry from my prayer journal this morning I was encouraged to share it. It was from a time in my life when God was walking me up at 2am to pray, after years of sleep deprivation. I talked about that season, in another post called, Sleep (My Idol).
I just want to encourage us today, to say sorry, to keep going, keep forgiving ourselves and each other, keep admitting we need Jesus, we need the Holy Spirit, we need our Father God.
I want to encourage us to get back up, brush off and begin again with the belief that we are not trapped in past failures. We are ‘overcomers’ in Jesus Name! I want to encourage us to let go of our insecurities and pride that would cover up our imperfections, because that only lets them fester. I want to encourage us to rip off the plaster, get the breath of God onto our wounds! I want to encourage us to be humble enough to put our weaknesses into the transforming hands of God because then, and only then, can the weak say, “I am strong!”
12th November 2013
TRUST . The past week and days I have struggled with waking up to pray. Sometimes I argue with God. I try to re-negotiate, “Can I just pray for a few minutes?” But over time I am brought back to the benefits of full submission and the futility, and even the detrimental effect, of complaining and arguing.
Last night my son and I had a huge fight. His part was silent, mine far too vocal. I called him a “bully.” All the while I bullied him to within an inch of his life with my voice (words, tone, volume.) In the middle of it all I realised, that’s what I hate, that I “need” to bully him in order to stop him bullying. And as I understood that I realised it is all a matter of distrust.
Him distrusting me and what I ask him to do, and me distrusting God. Both of us trusting fear instead, and responding with insecurity, and defence instead of obedience. The result is unsatisfying for all.
As a parent I know the benefits of his obedience. I can see them stretching out before all of us. But as a ‘child’ I am not trusting God to bring them about and I am ‘stepping in’, disobeying God and ‘giving in’ to my own understanding. As a result everything is crooked.
When I realised this, stopped yelling, explained what I suddenly understood and talked it over with my son instead, he agreed. He did not trust me.
We both prayed prayers of repentance and asked God to break off bullying in our lives; torment, rejection, jealousy, bullying and fear.
After I turned his lights out, I prayed with my other son. His devotional for the night was, “Do Not Judge,” with the basic premise, “God does not need or want your help in judging.” I asked my son, who had witnessed my tirade earlier, “Who needs this the most tonight in our family?”
And he said, “You do Mum.”
So we prayed again that God would help me to trust Him and that I would be a parent without judgement.
I pray God will make me an obedient child first, so that I can be a parent who can model trust and obedience to my own children.
(P.S Last night as I struggled so much to get out of bed, I really fought it. If I close my eyes I can see angels dragging me out by the hands and feet in my imagination (very funny) but once I stopped negotiation and prayed and humbled myself (again!). God let me sit on his lap andI read the book of James. It was like when the disciples were walking along the road to Emmaus and they felt like their hearts were burning as Jesus explained the scripture to them………. and I could have missed that for a bit more sleep.)
Thank you for the trials – they are pure joy and for the perseverance they work in us.
Proverbs 3:5-6 says,
Trust in the Lord with all you heart and lean not on your own understanding, in all your ways acknowledge him and he will make your paths straight!
Be encouraged today, be blessed to apologise, forgive, listen to what God is saying, seek His understanding. Trust him, pray! Let the angels drag you into the heavenly courts. Don’t miss it just for a bit of…
Lots of love,
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