Alive

ball-black-bubble-35016This is a poem that I wrote this week; a week of weeping with friends for present sorrows and a week of remembrance for past sorrows, ones that linger. As the week went on I thought and prayed and cried for those who don’t feel anymore. For the disconnected.

This poem is for all who have ever disconnected; from others or even themselves. It’s also for those who have felt like they were drowning under the waves of their pain and for those who have spent time in the belly of the whale. This is for all of you, with love, for you are loved and although no human will ever know the full length or depth of your endurance, God will not miss a moment or an inch. His love is wide enough, and deep enough to go with you, all the way, to the other side where life to the full awaits.

Be encouraged, be blessed today,

Lots of love,

L.

Alive

I was floating
Just existing
I had drifted
Slowly out to sea

I was separate
numb to feeling
Wasn’t caring
What became of me

And there was no one
Left to signal
When the wave rose up around;
All my hurt and all my pain;
In a tsunami crashing down
Crushing me and my inflatable
And the sound it was terrible
as the air left, first the raft,
Then next my lungs

And I sank
Beneath the blue
Wondering God where are you?
Still feeling nothing
But the sonar of my heart
Until my spirit it did burn with the words, “It’s not your turn,”
Though my lungs joined in the burning,
all the same.

“I’ll give you breath again,
It’s up to you to tell me when,”
Said the Lord’s voice filling up my empty head,
“That moving shadow ‘neath your feet, that gaping hole and rows of teeth
is Jonah’s ride
So there is no need to be scared.”

I was floating
Just existing
But this time in the dark,
And in the stinking, heaving belly of a whale.
There is naught can rouse the senses,
Like dead fish and other stenches,
There’s no more drifting,
Cause digesting’s on all sides.

“I am awake Lord now,
To feeling
I am sobbing and I’m reeling
I’m connected, by a lifeline to this thing
I am alive in here for days
I have thanks and I have praise
I’m ready but I’ve nothing else to bring.”

“That is enough my child,
Come as you are,
The ride is wild.
There’ll be joy from scars,
There’ll be a laugh or two.
Just wait beneath the spout your scaly knight will launch you out,
Of his ghastly refuge to somewhere with a view.”

I am floating
And existing
Every fibre now insisting there is purpose,
There is more than drifting by
There is flying
There is dancing
There is laughter, life’s entrancing
Now the pain and hurt are conquered
I’m alive.

© Lauren Macdonald. Unauthorized use and/or duplication of this material without express and written permission, from this blog’s author, is strictly prohibited. Excerpts and links may be used, provided that full and clear credit is given to Lauren Macdonald @ http://godhelpmei.com

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